I see flowerbed people…
Have you been playing Pikmin 3? If the answer is yes, we probably don’t need to ask you ‘have you been playing *a lot* of Pikmin 3?’ because we already know the answer. That’s OK, we have too. It’s a brilliant game. But there’s one small problem.
Elongated play sessions can start to affect the workings of your brain. Suddenly, you find elements of Pikmin logic creeping into your daily routine. Before long, it saturates every waking thought. It is at this point you might realise you’ve been playing too much Pikmin 3. But in case you haven’t seen the warning signs, we’ve listed some here. Do any of these sound familiar?
Everything outside looks like a Pikmin level
Wow, look at those leaves! And look, there are tiny, tiny flowers among those leaves. They must be Pikmin. And–holy crap–look at the ground! It looks… it looks just like the ground in Pikmin! Wow, I bet there are some Pikmin around here somewhere…
Oh, and wow, look at the water in that pond… it looks really HD! So realistic. I mean, of course it *is* realistic because it’s real water… but this water and these leaves look just like the water and leaves in Pikmin! Ow ow please stop hitting me.
You start to wonder how many Pikmin everyday items are worth
You’re eating lunch in the park where some tramps have clearly been enjoying a bevvy the night before. They’ve left the tops of their beer bottles in the grass.
But that’s not litter. That’s a license to spawn another five more Pikmin. You could just let two carry it back to the onion, but it’ll be faster if you assign the task to four Pikmin. Red ones, obviously.
You begin to lazily wish that Pikmin could complete trivial tasks for you
That soda? It’s sooooo far away. If only you could throw fifteen (or, more likely, 20) Pikmin at it, then they’d carry it to you so you can drink it.
It doesn’t stop there, though, does it? You start to wonder how many thousand Pikmin it might take to drag a car out of a parking spot so you could take it. You start to wonder if Pikmin could carry you to bed. You start considering weight and size, just because you’re trying to decide how many Pikmin to send to take care of it.
Innocent creatures suddenly seem threatening
See this snail? On the surface, it looks completely harmless. It’s slow-moving, tiny and slimy. Hardly anything to worry about, except perhaps that it might get squashed if it’s really going to hang around by your front doormat.
But then it hits you. It is waiting around between the fruit stall and your front door. It’s an ambush. This snail wants to disrupt your fruit-collecting shenanigans and KILL YOUR PIKMIN.
You imagine that Pikmin are everywhere around you
When you walk back later in the day you see the same snail, only this time it’s just the shell. Before you might ignore it, thinking that it’s sleeping or whatever. Now?
Now it means a Pikmin assault squad has recently passed through here. It’s had bigger things to do than haul small-fry snails back to the onion, but once the big loot of the day has been returned to the ship, they’ll be back to carry this one off to make MOAR PIKMIN.
You feel like you can look at maps for as long as you like
There’s no hurry, is there? In fact, even if you’re at the traffic lights and everyone’s beeping at you to get a move on, you can get out your touch-screen cellphone, call up Google Maps and browse it for a minute or two before you pull away.
Looking at maps freezes time. Everyone knows that.
You’re suddenly more interested in fruit
Fruit has always been fruit. But now it looks incredibly appetising, to the point where you want to pick up every piece of fruit you see and carry it back to your house where you can drink its juice in peace.
You also start noticing the iconography of fruit. Before today, you wouldn’t have given these shoes a second glance. But now you want them. You even want them on your feet. Yeah. If only you didn’t have to share it with other people…
You start to wonder how many glasses of juice are in fruits…
Maybe you buy a bunch of bananas in your weekly shop that you wouldn’t have done before. Maybe you consider squeezing juice out of them. Maybe there isn’t any juice in bananas and you end up wrecking a perfectly good bowl of fruit. Maybe Pikmin isn’t quite like reality.
Maybe it’s a sign you shouldn’t be bothering with real fruit and that you should be playing Pikmin 3. Yes, that must be it.
…and start to worry about your juice reserves
Hmmm… only half a glass left to drink. That will do for today, but we’ll have to start having smaller portions. That’s if we actually find more juice…
We’ll have to find more juice tomorrow OR I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO.
Bees don’t bother you like they used to
Bees used to be horrifying, but after fighting them in Pikmin 3 you’ve likely realized how weak they are. They almost certainly only require one Pikmin to bring down. You would be happier if you had a Wii-mote about your person, but an analogue stick is fine, so long as you remember the crosshairs only have to cover the bee’s co-ordinates on the screen, not its position in 3D space. Yup.
And if you should encounter a swarm of them, that’s fine too. You just wait until they form a rectangle, then dodge them with a quick side-step and then spam flying Pikmin on the queen. Simple, really.
The sound of a clock bells give you an anxiety attack
You’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when suddenly you hear it. Dun dun dun dun! Dun dun dun dun! Oh. Oh no.
The sound that typically meant you were one hour closer to sleeping suddenly means you’re mere moments away from watching your armies be ravaged by the monsters that come out at night.
You’ve developed a phobia of yellow jelly
“It’s coming… oh God, IT’S HERE.” Then some mumbling about ‘having to protect him’ and ‘I can’t find the last circuit to turn the lights on’. Then the fear turns to surprise that you can see your reflection in it and how that’s really rather amazing. And then you find yourself making a mental note that this jelly really should be affecting the world’s frame rate more than it is, especially when you cut it up into three pieces like that. And just how are you supposed to fight it anyway…?
Note: If any of this particular slide rings true, GamesRadar would like to advise you immediately cease playing Pikmin 3 and seek medical advice for your problems. There’s not much more we can do for you. Sorry.
How have the Pikmin affected you?
Did any of those ring true? If so, at least you now know that you have a problem and can seek the help you need. But if you have any more symptoms of your newfound mental issues, do let us know in the comments.
And if you’re looking for more, check out 10 signs you’re playing too much Animal Crossing: New Leaf and 20 signs you’re playing too much Tomb Raider.